Stats

So I decided to just casually check out the "stats" page on my blog the other day, you know not because I actually expect there to be any record numbers, I post like once a year and it's usually about silly things like Enrique Iglesias jet skiing with his dog. But you know I just want to make sure my readers in Slovenia (all 16 of them) are still satisfied with the general direction of the blog. But when I stumbled across the common search words list, well let's just say I had no words, completely speechless. But apparently some people out googling away on the interwebz have some awfully colorful ones that they search for that somehow direct them to my blog. "Mariah Carey Dreamlover video, plaid" (that comma is so necessary) now that is not at all unexpected, but that last one on the list, holy schnikes! I don't know who leaked my super secret halloween costume idea for next year to the world at large but we are no longer speaking.

Bailamos

                                                                                                    Photo Credit People Magazine

Some days are tough, some days are tougher, and then there are some days when your liver seems to have a massive vendetta against you, today was one of those days. I went out last night, and have to remember that:

1) I have a job and it's not sleeping (unfortch how fucking cool would that be) and it requires me to be upright and and at my desk at 8:30 am

2) I am not 22 anymore in fact just two weeks ago I celebrated the 7th anniversary of my 21st birthday (for those of you who own an abacus you can now sort out how old I am, shock...horror!)

3)As rough as today was I would have never wanted to miss Blair slow dancing with Carol to "Like a Rock" circa 1am (Carol you dirty stay-out!) , those moments just don't happen twice

Either way, every time my liver kicked me in the face today I just looked at this picture and felt better just by absorbing it's sheer absurdity. Sexiest man? You're confused People Magazine that's a German Shepherd(or an Alsatian for all you fancy folks) granted said pooch can pilot a jet ski (points) but he also hangs out with Enrique Iglesias (negative points), I suppose we'll let it slide just for the fact that this made me laugh so many times I forgot how much pain I was in.

Robble, Robble

So Halloween is right around the corner, and as many of you may know it is my favorite holiday. I owe this to it's proximity to my birthday and costumes, duh. Anything that allows you to dress up (read be super extra slutty without judgment, ok maybe a little judgment) is super fun in my book. I actually decided on my costume back in the summer, which is rare because in spite of it's position as my favorite holiday I almost always decide on my costume at the last minute and half ass the whole thing. Probably because I get so caught up with horror movie marathons and trying to convince my friends to go to haunted houses with me (yes I'm a dork, you obviously read my blog this should not be news). For the record I sent an email to everyone on September 7th saying my only birthday wish (the big day is Oct 28th mark your calendars) was to go to Blood Manor, apparently all I have on my hands are a bunch of Halloweenies, because everyone said it was too scary, sigh. So in turn I have had more time to focus on my costume, which I suppose is a good thing. Now I have been telling everyone who asks but if by some miracle you haven't heard, I'll maintain the surprise, let's just say it rhymes with Lamb-Gurgler (gross) and if you grew up in the 80s you will definitely know it. Also, the kid in the picture above is definitely my future child, and hates me already for making him wear it, but how bad ass is that costume.
Photo Credit: Pinterest

                                                                         Source Wall Street Journal

So I chatted with Dwyane Wade while waiting for a table in a restaurant a few years back (with two dirty martinis worth of courage). I complimented him on his watch and I believe he ended the conversation with  "Have a good night and enjoy your dinner" how personal, this must mean we're best friends!!!!. So since my best friend (You ask why he never hangs out? Because he lives in Miami…duh) is now hobnobbing with the Ice Queen (displaying some serious sartorial chops) does this mean I am one degree of separation from none other than Ms Wintour? I think it does, I think it definitely does.



Did I go through a wormhole...how is it Labor Day already?!?!?

So summer is over officially after this weekend; well if you want to get technical, and you know I do, it's over on Sept 22nd, but I digress. Sadly I have to report that I accomplished nothing on my list of summer goals, and that will be the last time I post anything I hope to accomplish in a public forum. I like to fail in private, and do often. Either way lets recap:


1. Skydive: It was a grand plan, my execution was very poor, I didn't even look into it. I did however gather the courage to look over the edge of a roof deck that was 37 stories high (the picture above is from said roof as proof), I nearly puked from fear and retreated back to the saftey of a lounge chair and my glass of champagne, phew survived another brush with death. Fear of heights unconquered.

2. Try to read Atlas Shrugged or Infinite Jest: Yeah I didn't, but I did reach a bunch of shorter books to make myself feel better. Right now I'm working on The Moral Animal, a pithy tale about evolutionary psychology (yeah right, it's basically a text book on Darwin but I started it and aside from Atlas Shrugged I insist on finishing any book I start so I'm soldiering on)

3. Organize a Fishing Trip: Also no, because my friends are all too popular to commit to a date. If you're a loser like me and read this blog please be my friend and come fishing with me, September is still striper season (that's striper as in striped bass, get your mind out of the gutter)

I did manage to wear jorts as much as physically possible.Well not while at work, because dungarees OF ANY KIND OR COLOR are strictly verboten. I was sternly reminded of this when a lovely "Business Casual Dress Policy Reminder" email arrived in my inbox a few weeks back.Also forbidden "T-Shirts without collars"; what exactly would such a shirt even look like? Do you think it would go with jorts? And finally my greatest success,I did not manage to get thrown off a train for illicit beverage consumption, which is a big win as far as I'm concerned. But there's still this weekend, so don't throw any parades in my honor just yet.

Meet my new trainer...Toxie.

This is unbelievable, someone actually read my missed connection seeking a machete chaser but offered something about 7 billion times sweeter, a race where ZOMBIES chase you!!!!  I have to find out when this is in NY.

Thanks Tanzeena!!!!

So I'm running a quarter marathon!!

Yes I know, there's no such thing (silly Breen), but with everyone running half and full marathons these days this is the only way I can semi keep up. Either way,say your goodbyes now, because it looks like I will be making limited social appearances in the next 11 weeks (yeah even I laughed at that, like this will stop me from going out). And to my creepy blog stalkers yes here's my schedule for the next 11 weeks you know when to rob my house (you're welcome) .This schedule certainly precludes any weekday drinking, unless of course I have the motivation to start working out in the morning, which is highly unlikely.I know I could physically run a 10-K right now if forced; like if someone was chasing me with a machete. Are there people available for hire for that sort of thing? Perhaps I should post an ad on craigslist; what section would be best perhaps Missed Connections??? Idk Prospect Park has some dicey sections maybe I can just hire a freelance machete chaser that day. On the off chance that that's forbidden by race rules I've decided to try to train. Luckily I can already run 4 miles so the first 3 weeks should be gravy, after that, well all bets are off. Wish me luck!