Stats

So I decided to just casually check out the "stats" page on my blog the other day, you know not because I actually expect there to be any record numbers, I post like once a year and it's usually about silly things like Enrique Iglesias jet skiing with his dog. But you know I just want to make sure my readers in Slovenia (all 16 of them) are still satisfied with the general direction of the blog. But when I stumbled across the common search words list, well let's just say I had no words, completely speechless. But apparently some people out googling away on the interwebz have some awfully colorful ones that they search for that somehow direct them to my blog. "Mariah Carey Dreamlover video, plaid" (that comma is so necessary) now that is not at all unexpected, but that last one on the list, holy schnikes! I don't know who leaked my super secret halloween costume idea for next year to the world at large but we are no longer speaking.

Bailamos

                                                                                                    Photo Credit People Magazine

Some days are tough, some days are tougher, and then there are some days when your liver seems to have a massive vendetta against you, today was one of those days. I went out last night, and have to remember that:

1) I have a job and it's not sleeping (unfortch how fucking cool would that be) and it requires me to be upright and and at my desk at 8:30 am

2) I am not 22 anymore in fact just two weeks ago I celebrated the 7th anniversary of my 21st birthday (for those of you who own an abacus you can now sort out how old I am, shock...horror!)

3)As rough as today was I would have never wanted to miss Blair slow dancing with Carol to "Like a Rock" circa 1am (Carol you dirty stay-out!) , those moments just don't happen twice

Either way, every time my liver kicked me in the face today I just looked at this picture and felt better just by absorbing it's sheer absurdity. Sexiest man? You're confused People Magazine that's a German Shepherd(or an Alsatian for all you fancy folks) granted said pooch can pilot a jet ski (points) but he also hangs out with Enrique Iglesias (negative points), I suppose we'll let it slide just for the fact that this made me laugh so many times I forgot how much pain I was in.

Robble, Robble

So Halloween is right around the corner, and as many of you may know it is my favorite holiday. I owe this to it's proximity to my birthday and costumes, duh. Anything that allows you to dress up (read be super extra slutty without judgment, ok maybe a little judgment) is super fun in my book. I actually decided on my costume back in the summer, which is rare because in spite of it's position as my favorite holiday I almost always decide on my costume at the last minute and half ass the whole thing. Probably because I get so caught up with horror movie marathons and trying to convince my friends to go to haunted houses with me (yes I'm a dork, you obviously read my blog this should not be news). For the record I sent an email to everyone on September 7th saying my only birthday wish (the big day is Oct 28th mark your calendars) was to go to Blood Manor, apparently all I have on my hands are a bunch of Halloweenies, because everyone said it was too scary, sigh. So in turn I have had more time to focus on my costume, which I suppose is a good thing. Now I have been telling everyone who asks but if by some miracle you haven't heard, I'll maintain the surprise, let's just say it rhymes with Lamb-Gurgler (gross) and if you grew up in the 80s you will definitely know it. Also, the kid in the picture above is definitely my future child, and hates me already for making him wear it, but how bad ass is that costume.
Photo Credit: Pinterest

                                                                         Source Wall Street Journal

So I chatted with Dwyane Wade while waiting for a table in a restaurant a few years back (with two dirty martinis worth of courage). I complimented him on his watch and I believe he ended the conversation with  "Have a good night and enjoy your dinner" how personal, this must mean we're best friends!!!!. So since my best friend (You ask why he never hangs out? Because he lives in Miami…duh) is now hobnobbing with the Ice Queen (displaying some serious sartorial chops) does this mean I am one degree of separation from none other than Ms Wintour? I think it does, I think it definitely does.



Did I go through a wormhole...how is it Labor Day already?!?!?

So summer is over officially after this weekend; well if you want to get technical, and you know I do, it's over on Sept 22nd, but I digress. Sadly I have to report that I accomplished nothing on my list of summer goals, and that will be the last time I post anything I hope to accomplish in a public forum. I like to fail in private, and do often. Either way lets recap:


1. Skydive: It was a grand plan, my execution was very poor, I didn't even look into it. I did however gather the courage to look over the edge of a roof deck that was 37 stories high (the picture above is from said roof as proof), I nearly puked from fear and retreated back to the saftey of a lounge chair and my glass of champagne, phew survived another brush with death. Fear of heights unconquered.

2. Try to read Atlas Shrugged or Infinite Jest: Yeah I didn't, but I did reach a bunch of shorter books to make myself feel better. Right now I'm working on The Moral Animal, a pithy tale about evolutionary psychology (yeah right, it's basically a text book on Darwin but I started it and aside from Atlas Shrugged I insist on finishing any book I start so I'm soldiering on)

3. Organize a Fishing Trip: Also no, because my friends are all too popular to commit to a date. If you're a loser like me and read this blog please be my friend and come fishing with me, September is still striper season (that's striper as in striped bass, get your mind out of the gutter)

I did manage to wear jorts as much as physically possible.Well not while at work, because dungarees OF ANY KIND OR COLOR are strictly verboten. I was sternly reminded of this when a lovely "Business Casual Dress Policy Reminder" email arrived in my inbox a few weeks back.Also forbidden "T-Shirts without collars"; what exactly would such a shirt even look like? Do you think it would go with jorts? And finally my greatest success,I did not manage to get thrown off a train for illicit beverage consumption, which is a big win as far as I'm concerned. But there's still this weekend, so don't throw any parades in my honor just yet.

Meet my new trainer...Toxie.

This is unbelievable, someone actually read my missed connection seeking a machete chaser but offered something about 7 billion times sweeter, a race where ZOMBIES chase you!!!!  I have to find out when this is in NY.

Thanks Tanzeena!!!!

So I'm running a quarter marathon!!

Yes I know, there's no such thing (silly Breen), but with everyone running half and full marathons these days this is the only way I can semi keep up. Either way,say your goodbyes now, because it looks like I will be making limited social appearances in the next 11 weeks (yeah even I laughed at that, like this will stop me from going out). And to my creepy blog stalkers yes here's my schedule for the next 11 weeks you know when to rob my house (you're welcome) .This schedule certainly precludes any weekday drinking, unless of course I have the motivation to start working out in the morning, which is highly unlikely.I know I could physically run a 10-K right now if forced; like if someone was chasing me with a machete. Are there people available for hire for that sort of thing? Perhaps I should post an ad on craigslist; what section would be best perhaps Missed Connections??? Idk Prospect Park has some dicey sections maybe I can just hire a freelance machete chaser that day. On the off chance that that's forbidden by race rules I've decided to try to train. Luckily I can already run 4 miles so the first 3 weeks should be gravy, after that, well all bets are off. Wish me luck!

How Much is that Piggy In the Window?

The boots really kill me, can I please adopt him?

Image Via (http://imgur.com/fTyby)

Donny you're out of your element!

Holy shit guys, it's a good thing this dress doesn't appear to be available anymore because I am not sure I could prevent myself from buying it  (and at this current moment I am feverishly searching the interwebz, yeah tech guys that google search string is right "Steve Buscemi Face Dress" you didn't misread it)

Via Like Cool

Celebrating my heritage...

These are the very important topics I discuss via my corporate instant messanger, in case you were wondering. Always working hard! So we're going out tonight to celebrate many things, not the least of which is Bastille Day! Yes I am going out to celebrate a holiday for a country in which I am a citizen but have a really laughable command of it's language (and based on this last sentence apparenly my command of the Enligsh language is also questionable!). Also Federico is visiting for the weekend, and I cannot wait to spend some quality time with Vintage, and Thea is here too from LA! Here's to friends, France, and my liver's fortitude!

I'll take the physical challenge!

90s Nickelodeon Nostalgia...yes please! (thanks Jezebel)

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for this. I haven't been this excited since I sat next to Marc Summers at Eataly last summer.  But am I the only one who thinks that Roundhouse should have gotten the look on this one?

Someone's ready for the weekend....

And people question why I only eat salad at my office cafeteria, the number of choices are just too overwhelming....

The Birds...

Pigeons Never Forget a Face?!?!?!
Ok this freaks me out, I hate pigeons with a passion. They're dumb, slow and once one pooped on me at the Central Park zoo when I was a kid; I still have an axe to grind with that bird (for those of you that are going to say it's good luck, get back to me when a bird shits on your forehead, you will not feel so lucky), in short pigeons are assholes.

My biggest issue with them is that it seems like 90% of the time they choose to walk rather fly. Crowding together on the sidewalk, clustering in huge groups in the park. I'm gonna go out on a limb (bird pun har) and say, if I had the god given ability to flap my arms and alight into the air I would absolutely never choose to chill out on the sidewalk with the rest of the earthbound. It's almost like they're saying "yeah I could fly if I wanted to, but nah I'll just hang out and do this totally inefficient head bop walk and gross you out if that's alright with you".

But after reading this I am going to be nicer than ever to my fellow city dwellers. I will never threaten to kick them again (please note these were veiled threats I would never actually hurt an animal, I don't need PETA coming after me), I won't call them rats with wings ,and will try to hide the look of total revulsion on my face when they chill out next to me on park benches. Because it seems like I may not be the only one with an axe to grind, that pigeon that I wished death on at age six in the zoo, remembers my punk ass and has been planning his retribution for when he runs into me again. And that is just frightening.

New Look

So you may have noticed that my blog has a slightly new steez going on. This change was spurred by the fact that my lovely ladies Amanda and Alli have been giving me shout outs on their own blogs and I have seen an uptick in traffic directly from their sites. So I felt the very least I could do was make my own blog look slightly less low budget. Now don't panic nothing is really changing. I will still completely lack a consistent vision, subject matter and style. My grammar will still be deplorable (and I will still use parentheses FAR too frequently to provide subtext to my own writing). And if only you could have been a fly on the wall to witness the spectacle of technological ineptitude that was my attempting to "make my blog pretty". Let's just say Google won't be offering me a job any time soon, which blows because I hear their cafeteria is off the chain.

Hot Time Summer In the City

Yo kids, it's finally summer, officially, well two days ago but better late than never right? During this wonderful season my list of things to get accomplished usually consists of things like: wearing jorts as much as physically possible (though lets be serious I wear them year round with two pairs of tights in January); wearing my sunglasses at night, attending as many picnics in the park (which is basically just an excuse to drink wine and eat cheese in a park…score!!), and go to free concerts. However, when questioned recently about my summer plans the only thing I came up with was "Stay Cool" let's hope that wasn't taken figuratively since with plans like that lined up I pretty much have already failed. Either way the list below is what I say I'm going to get done every summer, and rarely get accomplished, but here's hopin'


1. Skydive: I've got it in my head that my completely irrational fear of heights can be conquered by jumping out of a plane. The rationale behind this being that I'm only afraid of tangible heights, tops of buildings, rickety rope bridges, you know things I encounter on a daily basis working in investment banking, thank god I didn't have a calling to build skyscrapers or guide people through the Amazon. Anyway, I've convinced myself that 10,000 feet will be so high that it won't inspire the same toe tingling paralyzing fear, yeah right, I'm gonna need a sedative to even consider letting them pry my bony fingers off the door frame and push me out, and to whoever is forced to do the tandem jump with me, I apologize in advance.

2. Read Infinite Jest (or Atlas Shrugged) or any book north of 1000 pages, somehow I think this will make me feel more accomplished, enlightened, superior, who knows, haven't gotten it done thus far and no inferiority complex has resulted so we'll just leave it…moving on

3. Organize a fishing trip, this is one I bandy about every year and then when Panda mentioned how fun she thought it would be I figured well heck if someone else thinks this could be fun why not try to plan it. Well this one has gotten off to a bit of a rough start I made a valiant effort to guage interest in such an event by sending an email (if you didn't get the look on that one and want to come just holler at me) , and was pleasantly surprised to find that a whole bunch of you want to go out and catch some stripers, guantlets were thrown, and pictures exchanged of previous fishing endevours, but it turns out we're all so goddamn popular (well in reality we're all just invited to so many weddings) that what was meant to be an early July trip is beginnging to look like it will take place in late August, but either way, fingers crossed I'll get that one off the list. I just sincerely hope this time I manage to make it back from City Island without being pulled off the train in Hunts Point (SCURRY) for drinking 40s on the subway, you can drink on the LIRR and Metro North, what makes the subway so different???

So that's basically it, I've come to grips with the fact that I will probably only cross one of those three off my list by the end of the summer, and it'll probably be getting pulled off a subway for drinking 40s, but whatever, I do what I can.

Zportz....

You know having reintroduced this whole "fitness" thing into my life lately I am beginning to really miss the sports I participated in as a kid/teen, horseback riding and rowing. Unfortch I do recall that neither of these activities were low cost even back in the day when I was doing them courtesy of Poppa Breen (thanks dad!!!), so currently it appears I have champagne taste with a beer..wait no make that sparkling water budget..this is a post about fitness after all and while occasionally I work out hungover/potentially still intoxicated from the night before, drinking and fitness are not usually a good mix. Either way I started to look around to see if there were any low cost options to get my fix for either sport, first up rowing, we live on a island surrounded by water how hard could it be to find a place to row? Well you'll be happy to know there is an option that's fairly low cost, for those of you who are particularly motivated morning people (not me) you can participate in an adult masters rowing class which makes use of the Columbia boat house and gets you out on the Hudson at the ungodly hour of 5:45 am, thank you no I'll pass. I justified said laziness by saying taking the subway up to Columbia at that time of morning couldn't possibly be safe, right?!?!? That and my germaphobia took over and envisioned my slightly out of practice self getting out on the extremely polluted Hudson and "catching a crab" (yes I know what you're thinking wow how germaphobic is she I know the Hudson is polluted but is is really possible to catch an STD just by rowing on it??) no that extremely pleasant term is what rowers use to describe dipping their oar a bit too deep which results in the oar coming back into your midsection quite forcefully which can actually knock you out of the boat, and based on my track record this would definitely happen, and I'm pretty sure I would catch something much worse swimming around in that water. Undeterred by my own laziness and germaphobia which nixed my first option I moved on, horseback riding, something that could certainly be done at a more normal time, however, horses not so common on the island of Manhattan unless I hi-jack one of the carriage horses in the park or a police horse, neither of which seems like a reasonable plan. And taking the train out to Long Island or New Jersey on a weekend to ride while it sounds nice I already mentioned my penchant for going out in past blogs, and as mentioned above, hungover/still drunk exercising is not a good plan especially when said activity involves a 1300 lb animal that's potentially jumping over things, so back to square one, looks like I'll have to stick with the extremely pedestrian running and yoga that I'm already doing, le sigh, need to find me a sugar daddy with a summer house and a pony.

P.S. I'm sorry for the generic picture above, mostly I couldn't resist because it reminded me of something you would find on a trapper keeper folder and I'm feeling all nostalgic. But thankfully most of my athletic pursuits took place before my parents adopted the use of digital cameras, so all of the pictures and hours of video of my riding lessons and shows are snugly packed away in my parents house and on VHS. Maybe one day I will recover a tape or two and buy a VCR (what are they like $5 now?) and we can have a double feature of my horse show days and Chrissy's appearance on TRL in a cowgirl costume, at least the horse theme will be consistent!



The Power Stick....

So some of you may remember about two years ago when I went totally crazy and got fully obsessed with running….doing 5-6 miles a day 6 days a week and crying if I missed it …mostly because it meant I had to reign in my calorie consumption for the day which is the main and only reason why I ever exercise…so I can eat more….because for anyone who knew me well this new habit seemed totally batshit because prior to this obsession I was a pretty sporadic gym-goer (at best) since my graduation from college. But for some reason that April basically overnight I decided to become a daily gym rat, waking up at 5:45 and at the gym by 6 every morning before work…and this went swimmingly until around mid October. Feeling particularly fit Chrissy and I joined a bootcamp which met in Washington Square Park two weeknights and early Saturday mornings (which to this day is the only time a homeless person has looked at me like I was the crazy one, doing squat thrusts and burpees and lugging huge water bottles around the park very early on freezing cold Saturday mornings when I had a perfectly nice bed I could still be sleeping in). At some point during the course of that bootcamp, though I can’t ever remember a point where I actually injured myself, my right hip began to ache…badly….but of course being crazy I told myself I could keep running through it because after a mile or so I got used to the pain…yeah you’re thinking…bad plan…and you’re right….it got to the point that I was forcing myself to run and then unable to walk normally…limping in pain…then running 6 miles…yeah where was my head??? Fast forward to me crying (literally this time) in the office of the head of orthopedic surgery at the now defunct St Vincent’s hospital as he read my MRIs…two tears in the cartilage around my right hip…no running and no physical activity other than physical therapy for at least 6 weeks…so I went and I went diligently and it took longer than 6 weeks but my hip healed…but of course it was now freezing cold out and I was used to sleeping in…and my routine was gone…I was still doing yoga and heading to the gym occasionally but nothing like what I had been doing, and when I tried to run every once in a while it was so hard and awful and I got into the mindset that I would only run when I had to i.e. if I was being chased by someone with a machete . And then at some point late this winter I got the itch to run again, and told myself ok I’m going to do this the right way…I joined New York Road Runners and signed up for their beginners running group, I went a stretched diligently and took things slow (I have a tendency to rush headlong into things which is a prime way to injure yourself) and things were going well…and I was starting to enjoy running again (not gonna lie the first 4 weeks were pretty miz running is a pretty unforgiving sport to get back into when your remember what you used to be capable of) and then it happened…I felt that familiar ache…that I can run through this it’s not so bad…and this time it wasn’t in my hip..which I had been so careful with…now my right Achilles has decided to join the pain party….either from overstretching or tight calves or just general lack of elasticity from wearing heels to much (which everyone knows I am guilty of…usually the north of 5 inches variety)…and I am beyond frustrated…I am finally starting to enjoy this again…but know deep down I should probably take a couple of days off to let this rest…and when I go out again it’s gonna be a struggle sigh. But my co-worker who runs a lot recommended “The Stick” pictured above…and it’s pretty funny…the options offered for the product which you pick using “The Stick Selector” include “The Big Stick”, “The Power Stick” or ”The Stiff Stick”  among many others…hmm wonder which “The Stick Selector” will select for me?? But I am willing to give it a shot…and let this thing heal…instead of running through the pain (which I did last night..stupid)….I am going to try my hardest not to get discouraged….anyone ever suffered from this…have any suggestions??

Diary of a "Skinny" Fat Kid

Ok so I have to be honest that last post about baking, yeah that didn’t happen, I was all hopeful that I could be one of those awesome bloggers that cooks and bakes and posts pictures and recipes and you go holy eff how do you eat all this delicious stuff you make, never talk about working out, but still look awesomez in every outfit you post (and somehow also has time to go to the flea market every Saturday and decoupage dressers and make DIY jewelry), but alas, I live in the city of indulgence where eating out 4 days a week is not at all uncommon and people go to brunch more religiously than any church. And staying in on a Friday night to try out baking a new type of olive oil cake, yeah not gonna happen, I’ll do that when I’m 90. So yeah I don’t really have the time to bake these days and with summer around the corner the only thing I will be cooking is healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Boring yes, but will I be happy that first day I have to put on a bathing suit, meh, probs not but at least I’ll feel like I put in a marginal effort. And it turns out I always forget to take pictures of the food while I’m cooking (well not forget I just am the type of person who attempts to clean up after myself while cooking so the kitchen is not a total disaster scene when I’m done and thus the times when I’m not actively chopping or sautéing or whatever is spent washing dishes or putting things away not snapping whimsical hipstamatic pictures) and let’s be serious I am a ravenous beast by the time I finish cooking and do not take the time to take pictures I just make my way from the kitchen to the couch as quickly as possible to start eating, so all I have are pictures of half eaten not nearly as pretty looking food, like this lovely half eaten pork chop that I posted above and sent a picture of to Alli face with the “recipe” (aint that a sexy pork chop)  food blogger I am not, but good cook, yeah I’m decent. I say recipe in quotes because I don’t really believe in them, I kind of just wing it, eyeball it, or when appropriate taste things till I get it to where I want it (obvious disclaimer since I apparently have an international readership beyond just my friends according to my stats, the tasting till it’s right does not apply to raw eggs, pork, chicken, etc, use your head I don’t want anyone coming down with trichinosis and blaming my blog). So either way don’t expect any cute pictures of profiteroles or cranberry raisin scones or anything any time soon, and I won’t bore you with posts about healthy food unless it’s like super delicious and tastes like it’s bad for you but it’s not, which are, by the way, my favorite types of foods, since at heart I am just a fat kid that wants to be skinny, I see a book deal in the works, Diary of Wannabe Skinny Fat Kid.

Clarissa...How One Woman Explained It Alll

This Malcom Gladwell Book Generator seriously made me laugh, while I do really like The Tipping Point I have to admit this is pretty funny, this is definitely the next book I am going to focus on reading, I really hope there are whole chapters dedicated to both Ferguson Darling and Sam.

When Life Hands You Meyer Lemons...Make Meyer Lemon Cake...duh

Ok so since moving into my new apartment I have really been keeping up with my plans to cook more for myself, now basically the only thing I order for delivery is sushi (since I cannot do it any sort of justice myself and really I think Hana makes my sushi on the way up the stairs to my apartment because it legit take 10 mins from when I put down my phone till they’re at my front door, hell it takes me practically 10 mins to make it up those 4 flights as it is without sushi knives, fish, wasabi, etc, so those dudes, I can’t compete). That being said I have been going to Trader Joe’s (seriously cannot get enough of that place) at least weekly and whipping up some delicious stuff (if I do say so myself), I’m even eating breakfast at home every day now so definitely saving some money and calories. However, as some of you might remember (though it’s been quite some time since this was regular practice) I am also a pretty good baker and used to at the very least whip up baked goods and bring them into my office or over to people’s houses about once or twice a month, well living in 1G, with Federico nipping at everything I made in the kitchen asking if I was “done with that” and being faced with potentially massive mountains of dishes that needed to be washed prior to even starting to bake rather put me off the whole endeavor, that and a friend this summer pretty much dared me to attempt to make his mother’s 8 (yes you read right 8) layer fudge cake in his kitchen rather than my own (baking away not a good plan) and with fairly questionable equipment and it was (I thought) a miserable failure, though he did eat the whole thing himself. However, with my new digs I have resolved to try to start baking at least once a month again; first up will be Meyer Lemon Olive Oil Cake with Homemade Crème Fraiche, mostly because I have all the ingredients (except for the Meyer Lemons which I have seriously been eyeing every time I’ve gone to Trader Joe’s recently) and it looks easy and really delicious, so get ready to eat kids, I’m off to Willams and Sonoma tonight (after spin class..see below) to get a few items I have found to be wanting in my kitchen

• Lemon Zester
• Mortar and Pestle
• Mandoline Slicer
• Meat Thermometer (after someone at 1G, still don't know who,put mine in the dishwasher which meat thermometers no like, they melt, but I'm over it I swear)
• Cake Plate (to store all of these baked goods I've convinced myself  I'm going to make)
Yes I am a dork, what normal 27 year old girl needs any kind of zester, perhaps I need more zester in my life in general, oh well, and thankfully this new plan also coincided with a recently renewed interest in going to the gym, so net net I think I’ll be A-OK.