Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Birds...

Pigeons Never Forget a Face?!?!?!
Ok this freaks me out, I hate pigeons with a passion. They're dumb, slow and once one pooped on me at the Central Park zoo when I was a kid; I still have an axe to grind with that bird (for those of you that are going to say it's good luck, get back to me when a bird shits on your forehead, you will not feel so lucky), in short pigeons are assholes.

My biggest issue with them is that it seems like 90% of the time they choose to walk rather fly. Crowding together on the sidewalk, clustering in huge groups in the park. I'm gonna go out on a limb (bird pun har) and say, if I had the god given ability to flap my arms and alight into the air I would absolutely never choose to chill out on the sidewalk with the rest of the earthbound. It's almost like they're saying "yeah I could fly if I wanted to, but nah I'll just hang out and do this totally inefficient head bop walk and gross you out if that's alright with you".

But after reading this I am going to be nicer than ever to my fellow city dwellers. I will never threaten to kick them again (please note these were veiled threats I would never actually hurt an animal, I don't need PETA coming after me), I won't call them rats with wings ,and will try to hide the look of total revulsion on my face when they chill out next to me on park benches. Because it seems like I may not be the only one with an axe to grind, that pigeon that I wished death on at age six in the zoo, remembers my punk ass and has been planning his retribution for when he runs into me again. And that is just frightening.

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